I woke up this morning worrying. About money, about my brother. About getting a job. About a good friend in Austin. About being a better artist.
This is often what is worming through my mind when I wake up. In fact, it is already there, even before “I” am. As I slowly come to consciousness, my brain is already populated with these little brightly colored (or more likely gray) bumper cars of worry, whizzing around in my head. I don’t have thoughts, I have worry. Over the last eight years, and especially the previous year, that is what I have excelled at – worrying.
Some part of me must think if I worry about it, that I can “head it off at the pass”. If I think about it ahead of time, then it won’t happen. Right? My amazingly patient husband frequently says that he never has to worry about anything, as he knows I already have done that for him.
So I have decided to work at retraining my brain. And to realize my happiness now, rather than in reflection, a year or two down the road. And to be grateful. That is what banished the bumper cars this morning. I realized how very grateful I am, for my sweetheart to hold me a moment before he gets up, for the breeze that carries the sound of a train coming in the open windows, for our happy dogs urging us to start the day, for my sweet little house.
Gratitude will trump worry, any day.